Comparisons
by i'll-cover-you-x
Summary: Set in season three around episode 6/7. Justin, Ethan and Jennifer are at the Diner along with most of the group. Jennifer realises that maybe Ethan isn't as good for Justin as she thought so she tries to make Brian and Justin realise how they truly feel about the other. Mix of Jennifer, Brian and Justin's POV.


**This is set sometime after Ethan has given Justin the ring and before Justin finds out Ethan cheated on him.**

**I'm sorry if any spellings aren't right. My computer likes to auto-correct any American-English words and there may be some words I didn't realise are different in America.**

* * *

As Jennifer sat with her son and his new boyfriend she couldn't help but compare Ethan to Brian. At first she had been pleased by her son having a loving relationship with someone his own age but now she worried that this had affected her judgement when first meeting him. This time she couldn't help but notice how some of Ethan's remarks seemed rather off.

"I can see where your son gets his good looks from." Had been one of Ethan's opening comments and she couldn't help but be put off by the constant flattery, though she had hidden her response. Ethan seemed to be on a campaign to get on her good side with lots of empty compliments and it worried her that he was using similar tactics with her son. At least Brian had always been honest with them both, even if there were some things he left unsaid.

Ethan later told her, "Your son is my muse. I play so much better now we're together." His remark had made Justin blush though Jennifer didn't think it was much of a compliment. It seemed that Ethan saw Justin in terms of what he could do for him without valuing Justin for himself. It was a change from Brian who had admitted he cared for her son even though she knew how difficult those words were for him. Later Brian had proved this to be true by the way he helped her son through his recovery. If only Brian had been prepared to voice his feelings perhaps things would have been different as she knew one of the reasons Justin left was because he thought Brian never truly loved him. Yet she wasn't going to voice her doubts to Justin as it was his decision to make.

Just as Debbie came to clear their plates away the door to the diner opened and Michael, Melanie and Lindsay came in with Gus. They were heading to join Emmett and Ted but as they passed the table Gus reached out his arms to Justin who after a nod from Lindsay took the boy in his arms.

"I've missed you." He told Gus who smiled back happily.

"He's been missing you too." Lindsay told him though Gus's happy laugh made that clear.

Meanwhile Michael kissed his mother and muttered loud enough for the table to hear, "Did he have to bring _him _here?" and stalked off to join Emmett and Ted.

"Watch your mouth young man." His mother admonished him loud enough for the entire diner to hear, though most including Justin and Ethan pretended they had not heard the exchange. Jennifer helpfully picked up the dirty glasses and followed her friend hoping to have a word with her out of earshot of her son.

"I'm sorry about Michael's behaviour." Debbie said sitting down at the counter with Jennifer. "He gets very protective of Brian."

"I hope Brian doesn't resent our presence here." Jennifer worried.

"Nonsense!" She exclaimed. "We're all both of their friends and Brian knows that. He wouldn't want Justin to feel excluded and has actually been encouraging Michael to stay friends with him. It's only my son who gets angry." Then not wanting to be too critical of him added, "I think he's just shocked at seeing Brian like this."

"Has he taken it badly?" Jennifer asked. From Justin's accounts it sounded like Brian hadn't cared if Justin stayed or went.

"You don't know the meaning of a bad break up until you've seen that man. Trying to lose himself in drink, drugs and sex but it never works. It's putting a lot of pressure on Michael." Then remembering who she was talking too exclaimed, "There goes my big mouth again! I probably shouldn't be telling you all of this."

Just then the man in question came through the door and the conversation quickly stopped. It wasn't the worry of Brian hearing them that made them quiet but rather the look on his face. A mixture of pain combined with intense longing crossed his face for a second before it was carefully schooled into nonchalance, but it wasn't missed by the two mothers.

* * *

The last thing Brian had expected to see when he came into the diner was Justin and Gus and he was even less prepared for the stab of pain that came with it. His two sonny boys together, the only two people to ever break through all the barriers he put up. That night when Gus was born he had been so unprepared. Nine months before he had jerked off to let the merry munchers have a baby and since then had been fully prepared to waive all paternal rights. That all changed on the fateful night when he had met his sonny boy for the first time and found himself entranced from the start. That same night the one night stand he picked up somehow wormed his way into his life and became so much more than just another trick. Since both his sonny boys came into his life he found himself caring for them and wanting to support them in ways he hadn't imagined before. More than that he found himself loving them.

He stopped his thoughts right there. He was Brian fucking Kinney and he didn't do love. So what if he liked having them around? So what if the way Justin and Gus were playing together, their smiles lighting up the room, gave him a stab of pain by giving him a glimpse at a domestic life that the three would never have? Brian Kinney didn't believe in domesticity, he believed in fucking and he sure as hell would get a lot of that in the backroom tonight.

The pain got worse as he saw Ian reach his arms out to take Gus. The fiddler may have one of his sonny boys but Brian couldn't stand the thought of him with both of them. No sooner than Gus was settled in his arms did the toddler let out a loud wail and began crying with vigour. Brian's mood instantly lifted- at least one of his boys could see straight through Ian. If only the other could too.

Brian moved forward quickly and lifted his son into his arms.

"Good boy." He congratulated Gus on being such a good judge of character making Ethan bristle. "It's alright. You're with your old pa now."

He took his son over to the counter and ordered a soda and sandwich to go- he had no desire to stay anywhere near the hideously romantic couple any longer than he had to. It was only when he turned back to Gus that he noticed something odd: the toddler had his fist clenched tightly around something. Intrigued Brian gently opened the little fist to find a ring. Justin's ring. The ring Ian gave Justin. Inwardly he praised his sonny boy for knowing the ring meant fuck all and Justin shouldn't be wearing it, then he kissed Gus on the head before putting the ring firmly down on the counter. Neither of his sonny boys should have any of Ian's crap.

As he waited for his order he was surprised to hear someone sit on the stool next to him and even more surprised when he turned to see it was Justin's mother.

She reached out to stroke Gus's hair saying, "You have a beautiful son."

Brian was in no mood for small talk. "Mrs Taylor, you got what you wanted. I'm out of your son's life. What else do you need from me?" He hoped his lazy insolent tone would make it clear he did not want to speak to her.

"Call me Jennifer please. And that's not what I wanted." At Brian's look of derision she explained, "Alright, so I've always been concerned about the age gap between you and about your commitment issues, but his happiness was most important."

"Well he's realised that the fiddler makes him happier." Brian finished before an awful thought struck him. What if she was trying to tell him something? "Ian is treating him well?"

"See- you do care about him." Jennifer told him before he quickly looked away. "When my son told me that you had broken up he seemed to think that you didn't care deeply for him, but you obviously do. Brian, I know that my ex-husband would never have paid for my son's education. Who else could it have been but you?"

"I was honoring an agreement. That's all." Brian clipped out.

"It's more than that. You still love my son."

"Love is a lie straight people believe in. I don't love anyone." Brian was starting to get a massive headache.

"You don't want anyone to know you love them." She corrected. "You never told him you were at the hospital even though he was desperate for your support. Then when he thought you never really loved him you couldn't tell him the truth. If you told him how you felt he never would have gone with Ethan." She could see that this conversation was upsetting him, but undeterred she pressed on. "Why couldn't you tell him?"

Interested in their conversation Debbie had unashamedly been wiping down the counter closer and closer until she was able to hear his next muttered words.

"He needs more than I can give him. He's happy now."

"Brian my son is with a man who's lying about their relationship for his career. Do you really think that's what he wants?"

This was too much for Brian. He had kept his sanity (barely) with the thought that Justin was better off with Ian, but now it seemed Jennifer wanted them back together. He had come to respect Justin's mother who always tried to do what was best for her son and she must be very disappointed with Ian if she was trying to interfere- especially if he was seen as the better option. He remembered Justin's words to him months before, "I love that you'd do anything for me." That was so integral to Sunshine's character: he would do anything for the person he loved but needed that promise in return. Ian obviously wasn't prepared to make the same commitment, but was he? Brian was scared to think that maybe he would. He'd do anything for Justin as long as he never needed to voice his feelings. But would that ever be enough?

Of course these thoughts were superfluous. Justin had left him and Brian Kinney didn't ever beg someone to come back. Instead he would wait for Sunshine to realise what a self-absorbed shit his boyfriend was and recognise the attraction still between them. Perhaps if he came back and pleaded with him they could be together again- after all there was no point in them both being unhappy- but Brian sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to beg.

"Your son's got what he wanted. It's his decision." Brian snapped relieved that his order finally arrived as he did not feel able to continue the conversation. "You can give him this back." Abruptly standing up he pushed the ring towards Jennifer and walked out handing Gus to Lindsay as he passed her. What he needed was a good fuck to clear his mind. Maybe this time he'd actually be able to come without imagining it was Justin's sweet tight ass he was in.

Jennifer watched him leave and was surprised at the speed at which Michael followed his best friend out the door.

"It's like Michael's 30th all over again." Debbie muttered also watching the door, but before Jennifer could question her on this Justin called her over to their booth.

"Mom, Ethan has to leave now."

Once the Taylor's had made their goodbyes to Ethan, Justin turned to his mother and asked, "What were you talking to Brian about?" He was confused about why she would want to speak to his ex-boyfriend when he was there with his present boyfriend.

She didn't want Justin to know she had been interfering so went with, "he wanted me to give you this back."

As she handed over the ring she did not miss Justin's quick look of surprise as his gaze darted from the ring to his finger. Obviously he had not noticed it was missing.

"How did he get it?" He asked trying to cover up his shock.

"Gus"

"Oh" Justin slid the ring back onto his finger.

As Debbie's earlier remark had really intrigued her she decided to ask Justin about it sure that he would know. She wasn't sure how to broach the subject so decided to be straight to the point. "Justin. What happened on Michael's 30th birthday?"

If he had been surprised about the ring he was even more shocked now.

"What makes you ask that?" He questioned.

"Debbie mentioned it just now."

"What did she say about it?" Justin pressed and his attitude made her realise something important had happened.

"That 'it' reminds her of his birthday."

"What's 'it'?"

"That's what I'm trying to work out." Then getting abit frustrated she continued, "Will you please just tell me what happened?"

"Brian threw Michael a brilliant surprise birthday party."

"I thought he didn't celebrate birthdays?" Jennifer asked confused. She was sure his failure to celebrate Justin's 19th had been a major cause in the break up especially as it had led Justin to meet Ethan."

"He didn't do it to celebrate; it was all part of a big plan of his. Michael wasn't out at work and had convinced this girl that he was into her as a sort of cover. Brian invited her to the party and introduced her to David- you remember Michael's ex? Tracy was so upset and everyone got mad at Brian."

"I'm not surprised. Why would he do that?" Jennifer was quite shocked by what she was hearing.

"Michael's always been abit in love with Brian and it was causing problems with David. Brian realised that Michael could never be happy unless he pushed him to David so he did by trying to make Michael stop loving him. But first he gave him the amazing party and gift- he must have spent so much money on it all. He couldn't be with Michael anymore so he gave him his best birthday party ever as a goodbye."

Jennifer could see why Debbie had noticed the similarity. "How did they make up?"

"At first I was the only one who understood why he did it, though I think Debbie may have known. The others thought Brian was being an unfeeling bastard, they didn't realise he was making himself miserable so that Michael would be happy. That was when I realised how much he loved his best friend. Once Michael understood why Brian had done it they became close again."

"So why would Debbie bring it up now?" Jennifer asked though she knew the answer.

"I don't want to talk about it." Justin's expression shuttered and she knew that was the end of the conversation. "I should be getting back. I have an art project I need to finish."

* * *

Justin decided to walk to the apartment needing the time to think. Was it true that Brian had pushed him away so that he would be happier with Ethan? He thought back to the day after Michael's party otherwise known as the first ever time Brian had asked him over to the loft. Just remembering the ice cream kisses from that evening made his jeans feel tighter… This wasn't helping- he couldn't let himself be distracted by thoughts of what Brian's mouth could do! As he had left the loft that night he had commented on how much Brian must love Michael to do that for him and silently wished someone would love him that much. Perhaps he should be more careful about what he wished for.

After all the similarities were the same: Brian hiding his feelings not wanting it to be known that he could love; pushing away those close to him because he thought they would be happier with someone else; throwing a big party to show their love and support even though they denied it and making it the other's decision to come back to him.

How had Justin not seen this? He was the one who always saw through Brian's barriers, but somehow he had begun to believe that Brian had never cared. When had he stopped fighting for Brian? The trip to Vermont had certainly changed things and ever since Ethan came on to the scene with his promises of romantic love he had stopped seeing the love Brian gave him every day. Was still giving him. It may not be through words and romantic gestures, but Brian was looking out for him. Paying for his education, giving him large tips when he knew he was struggling financially and offering him the opportunity to design a poster and gain experience.

From Brian's behaviour before they broke up he had assumed Brian could never love him in the way he needed, but now he wasn't so sure. Was it the way that was important? Ethan's love was all about words, romantic gestures and promises about the future whereas Brian had expressed his feelings through actions being unable to voice them. But they both loved him.

So what did he do now? Was he right to have left Brian? His mind felt like it was going round in circles comparing the two, but as he neared home he came to a realisation. Ethan was the one who promised him a loving, monogamous future. Brian could never be content with only him. He had to be with someone who only wants to be with him. Ethan was the one.

* * *

**If only Justin knew what Ethan was about to do!**

**I'd really appreciate reviews as this is my first Queer as Folk fanfiction and I found it quite hard to write.**


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